The Power To Forgive

I’m a survivor.

My son didn’t survive; he was murdered November 19, 2014 four days after his 21st birthday. That was the worst day of my life. The reason I say I’m a survivor is that I didn’t go into depression, I didn’t throw in the towel and say “what is the use” nor did I turn my back on God. I didn’t lose my mind. God covered me and kept me together. He allowed me to see the word come alive in my life. He put me in that secret place. I had to think of my other children and my grandchildren, and I had to pull it together. It is only by the grace of God that I’m standing here today. I’m just so thankful. I was a single mother trying to do my best raising my children, working so they would have a chance at life and they wouldn’t have to turn to the streets to look for love or support in all the wrong places. Also, raising my oldest daughter who was really my mother who suffered with Altimeter and Dementia. Sometimes I wondered, why would God allow the roles to be reversed? Another story for a different day. Then when I got that call that my son had been shot. I already knew in my heart because I’m a mom, he was gone. I knew it before I even got to the hospital. There’s a lot of days that I still cry and I will probably continue to cry until I go to my grave, but if I could encourage another family, mother father that has to go through this, you’ve got to forgive them in order to move forward, and I had to forgive them.

I had to earnestly pray that they would not be harmed and that the case would be solved and just justice would be done. Jesus never fails!!! Even after the trial and everything was all said and done and it didn’t go in my favor. I had to believe and stand on the word of God that vengeance is mine and I will repay said the Lord. Knowing that God has the final say I am at peace. I know I have to answer to God one day, so I had to find forgiveness, and I Do forgive them. This is the only way I can move forward in life. God is so amazing because who would have known he called me to a 40 day prayer challenge and connected with 2 sisters from Virginia Beach, VA Charrell Felton and Rev Dawn Michelle 9 days before I would experience the worst nightmare to come true. On day 10 of the 40 day prayer challenge my baby boy only son was gunned down not too far from home. Before he was gunned down, I was so excited because we talked all day and my son was moving back home. But he never made it. What was I going to do?

Though he slay me yet will I trust him!!! It took the power of prayer and the love of God that kept me together. I had a feeling that is unexplainable and I will probably take it to my grave. The loss of a child so suddenly and in such a violent way. I thank God for the prayer circles that was birth out of the 40 day prayer challenge that has been growing strong for the last 2 -3 years Dust to Dawn Morning Glory that connects every Sunday, Wednesday & Friday at 5:00 a.m. as well as Wednesday evenings at 6:30 pm. I thank God for the outlet.

People who know me often ask and like to know how I made it? What got me to the place I am today? Prayer! Prayer Warriors! When you go through something that is so devastating, pray without ceasing. That helped me to truly forgive. Not only dealing with the loss of my son but being a caregiver taking care of my oldest daughter who was my mother for 10 years wonder why wouldn’t her other children help out? Why wouldn’t they come and support in anyway? Why would they just throw the jewel and the rock of our foundation to the side like she had no more value? But then I had to come to myself and forgive every family member who I thought should have helped out. I realized that this wasn’t their assignment, it was what God had given me and all I had to do was do it to the best of my ability and he would be pleased. Here we go again December 5, 2016 and I am on a 30 day prayer call and what happens? On day 5 my oldest daughter who is my mother takes her last breath. Losing those close to my heart has caused me to be consistent in prayer. One thing about God each time I was going to suffer such a great lost he had me in a position of prayer.

I even had to forgive myself, blaming myself wondering what I did wrong. What could I have done different? Sometimes it is so hard to forgive you, the person that is staring you back in the face. Even questioning God asking him Lord I am on a 40 day pray challenge a 30 day prayer call, calling out to you and you allow this to happen? Whatever you may be holding onto, whoever you may be holding on to I ask you to release it and let it go. Don’t allow the thing your hold in your heart manifest into a disease. No one is worth dying and going to HELL over. Mase once had a song out and the lyrics are; "breath, stretch, shake and let it go, WHATEVER, you, IT IS, let it go". When you do that you can have clean hands and a pure heart and you will see God move on your behalf.

Healthy Healed and whole!!! ​~ Michelle, mother of homicide victim